My Revision Piece

Original

Susan Garza

Professors Smith and Wells-Edwards
English& 101D OL1

11, March 2011

Identity is formed through Learning to Accept, Tolerate and Understand the People around Us

     On the big map of life, there is a place called self identity; as we grow older we can see the paths that we have taken, or for some the future paths, to get there. Where we came from, where we’ve been, and even where we’re going, is a life-long journey filled with short-cuts, detours, and pit-stops, which often determine where we end up. Although, it is the people that we meet along the way, who ultimately influence us the most; some give good directions, others not so much. But together, good bad or indifferent, we learn about ourselves and about others. Whether the scenery is blue skies and sunshine, or black clouds and rain, we can get through it, and find that place of self identity or who we are, through learning to accept, tolerate, and understand the world around us. But let’s not forget, this can be a lifelong process.

     Who we are today is not the same person we were when we were five or twelve, or even seventeen. Throughout different stages of our lives, we mature and evolve. As children, we were highly impressionable; the relationships we saw around us, our parents, grandparents, or friends influenced what we viewed as successful, in our future relationships. And success isn’t always defined by societal expectations; in the essay “Baba and Daddy Gus” (372), bell hooks told how her grandparents had influenced her on many levels. The love that she felt is shown here, when she expresses what they both meant to her, “You want everyone to know them as you did, to love them as you did” (372). And “He (Daddy Gus) gave me the unconditioned love I longed for” (372).  It wasn’t just the love that inspired hooks, it was also the acceptance her grandparents had for each other; her grandfather was quiet and non confrontational, her grandmother outspoken and aggressive. Bell saw mutual respect, as the key, to the success of their relationship, even at a young age.

     As we mature, and get to the pre-teen years, our need for acceptance sometimes becomes a matter of survival.  In Emily White’s “The secret life” (15), “tribes” are discussed, and how they closely relate to, or resemble cliques; how fitting into one, can distinguish how others perceive us. This can be in a positive light if you belonged to the “in crowd” like students at Calhoun High, who White describes here, “Virtually all the popular kids are physically well proportioned. They dress overwhelmingly in the ubiquitous trendy brand, Abercrombie & Fitch (16), “They sport the logo on t-shirts, pants, bags and baseball caps” (16). “Their conformity is remarkable, in haircuts, necklaces, and the way they slouch” (16).The acceptance that each clique member experienced here was central to belonging, even if through a shared identity. Now if you were not popular, or associated with any particular tribe or clique, you might be considered “an outcast” (16).

     In Masks, author Lucy Grealy experienced the sadness of being labeled one; her face deformed from cancer. This intensified her longing for acceptance, which in turn, drove her to try and lose herself behind masks; told here, “I hadn’t realized just how meek I’d become, how self conscious I was about my face until now that it was obscured” (67). Grealy’s sense of self worth had become prisoner to the cruel words of her peers. It was their lack of acceptance that haunted her. Grealy was even questioning whether she deserved a fundamental right to live, or be loved, shown here when she says, “I wanted nothing to do with the world of love. I thought wanting love was a weakness to be overcome. And besides, I thought to myself, the world of love wanted nothing to do with me” (69). It was almost as she had given up on mankind. When we are not accepted, sometimes inadvertently, we learn tolerance.

     Being labeled an outsider; can be devastating; and tolerance is needed on all sides. Whether we were the tormented or the tormenters in school, it is always a losing situation. Our self image is delicate, and can be damaged so easily with words; Grealy shared that pain with us first hand. She tolerated and survived an unbelievable amount of adversity throughout her whole lifetime. To be tolerant, is a necessary attribute for anybody when accepting the hand that life has dealt us. When Grealy did this, she rebuked self pity. In a cruel twist, she ended up finding out that being noticed for something positive, like being called a role model, was not as fulfilling as she imagined it to be; “Here I was, the center of attention, receiving the praise and appreciation I’d been fantasying about for so many years, and all I could feel was intense searing embarrassment” (69). Contrary to what Grealy thought, others did see something good in her that she was not able to see herself, and the people around her were more understanding of her situation than what was thought too. In Grealy’s case, acceptance and understanding had to start within. Sometimes we have to fight for it.

     Queen Latifah shows this better than anybody in her essay, “Who you calling a bitch?” (33). Latifah makes no excuses for her need to be heard and understood. As a matter of fact she demands it. The battles that Latifah faced growing up in the intercity, dealing with the discrimination of being female and black, and the stereotypes associated with all these issues, were monumental at times. But she never lost sight of who she was. “I know who I am” (36), Latifah expresses, “I am confident” (36). She doesn’t stop there at ground level, she steps it up; “I am a child of a God, I am a Queen” (34). Latifah has a clear understanding of who she is, and of her journey she traveled to get here. She defines who she is, with great conviction. A similar conviction is expressed in the words of Donald Trump; like Latifah, Trump is going to succeed, no ands, ifs, or buts. His quest will be driven with no one else at the wheel but himself. In his essay titled, “Find the greatness within yourself“(242), he is promoting the belief that it is up to you and you only. If we are sitting there waiting for success to happen, he has a bit of advice for all of us; “if you are happy in your comfort zone you need to move out of it” (242). The message is simple; we are in charge of our own destiny. Trump recognizes the importance of learning to understand ourselves and what we are capable of. Clarity can be one step closer to finding ourselves.

     The sometimes difficult trek across the vast tundra of life in our search for self identity is a trip that sometimes feels like it will never end. But if we learn to more accepting, tolerant and understanding of other people, as well as ourselves, the road can be a lesson in life; whether we feel that we have reached our destination, or that it has just begun, there is always room to grow and change with every new path we take.

References:

Remix, reading and composing culture, Catherine G. Latterell 2010

Baba and Daddy Gus, bell hooks

Masks, Lucy Grealy

The secret life, Emily White

Who you calling a bitch? Queen Latifah
Revised
Susan Garza

Professors Smith and Wells-Edwards
English& 101D OL1

11, March 2011

          Identity is not an easy concept to define. The term can be literally interpreted such, as by a list of characteristics by which a person is definitively recognizable. Or we can use it to describe a deeper connotation of who we are on the inside. There are specific times throughout our lives which influenced who we are today more than others. And there are so many factors involved, but more so, so many people who were significant in the molding of our personalities. Self awareness is the most likely force behind whether or not we choose to conform or break these molds. There are no handbooks to teach us what to do, nor are there schedules telling us when we are supposed arrive to a point in life where we should have it all figured out; if that place even exists. Understanding and acceptance of others is crucial, in forming a strong sense of identity.  This is a process that will happen in stages as we mature and evolve over time.

          When we were very young, we were highly impressionable; the relationships around us; our parents, grandparents, or friends influenced what we viewed as successful, in our future relationships. Although success isn’t always defined by societal expectations; in the essay “Baba and Daddy Gus” (372), bell hooks told how her own grandparents influenced her on many levels and she shares with the reader what they meant to her growing up, “You want everyone to know them as you did, to love them as you did” (372). Hooks also had a great respect for her grandparents; even though they didn’t always see eye to eye, as they aged, they had a mutual acceptance of one another. Acceptance is a concept that we learn as we mature and grow, and unfortunately it's through the trials we face growing up, that we sometimes learn the hard way.

     When we have reached our pre-teen years, our need for acceptance almost becomes a matter of survival.  In Emily White’s “The secret life” (15), tribes are discussed, and how they closely relate to, or resemble cliques; how fitting into one, can distinguish how others perceive us. This can be in a positive light if you belonged to the “in crowd” like students at Calhoun High, who White describes here, “Virtually all the popular kids are physically well proportioned. They dress overwhelmingly in the ubiquitous trendy brand, Abercrombie & Fitch (16), “They sport the logo on t-shirts, pants, bags and baseball caps” (16). “Their conformity is remarkable, in haircuts, necklaces, and the way they slouch” (16).The acceptance at this school was central to belonging, even if through a shared identity. But if you were not popular, or associated with a particular tribe or clique, you could be considered “an outcast” (16).

     In “Masks”, author Lucy Grealy experienced what it’s like to be one; her face deformed from cancer. This intensified her longing for acceptance, which in turn (the rest of this paragraph is deleted to meet required length)

     Queen Latifah shows this better than anybody in her essay, “Who you calling a bitch?” (33). Latifah makes no excuse for her need to be heard and understood. As a matter of fact she demands it. The battles that Latifah faced growing up in the intercity, dealing with the discrimination of being female and black, and the stereotypes associated with all these issues, were monumental at times. But she never lost sight of who she was. “I know who I am” (36), Latifah expresses.  “I am a child of a God, I am a Queen” (34). Latifah has a clear understanding of who she is, and of her journey she traveled to get here. She defines who she is with great conviction. In the essay, “Find the greatness within yourself“(242), Donald Trump expresses a similar sentiment of how it is up to us, to make good things happen for ourselves. And if people are sitting there waiting for success to happen, he has a bit of advice, “If you are happy in your comfort zone you need to move out of it” (242). The message is simple; we are in charge of our own destiny. Trump recognizes the importance of learning to understand ourselves and know what we are capable of. A little bit of clarity can help us gain a stronger sense of who we are.

     A place of self awareness may take a lifetime to achieve. It could be that we just need to lower expectations of ourselves and being happy with who we are today, to reach our destination. Or maybe we just might spend the rest of our lives trying to get there. Regardless, when we finally learn to accept and understand the people around us, we will find who we are.

Works Cited

Grealy, Lucy.  "Masks."  Remix Ed. Catherine G. Latterell.

2nd ed. Boston: Bedford / St. Martin's, 2010.  Print. 66-71

hooks, bell. “Baba and Daddy Gus”  Remix Ed. Catherine G. Latterell. 2nd ed. Boston: Bedford / St. Martin's, 2010.  Print. 372-77

Queen, Latifa. “Who you calling a bitch?” Remix Ed. Catherine G.  Latterell. 2nd ed. Boston: Bedford / St. Martin's, 2010.  Print. 33-36.

Trump, Donald. “Find the greatness within yourself“Remix Ed. Catherine G.  Latterell. 2nd ed. Boston: Bedford / St. Martin's, 2010.  Print. 242.

White, Emily. “The secret life” Remix Ed. Catherine G.  Latterell. 2nd ed. Boston: Bedford / St. Martin's, 2010.  Print. 250-56.